First street approach and first proper night out in a long time
The weather in London is becoming more bearable and it's time to make good on my promise to invest in my social life.
In the last post I mentioned how I went out to hang out with a friend. On the way there I walked past a girl who flashed me a quick smile, but as luck would have it we were crossing the street and by the time I had realised what had happened cars were driving past, blocking my way back. I couldn't get back across in time before she disappeared in the dark.
That was a reminder to always be alert. Look ahead to see who's coming your way and be ready to make moves at a moment's notice.
So yesterday I went out to see some bands perform and on the way to the venue I saw an attractive girl come towards me. I hesitated a moment too long and let her walk past but I called out and managed to get her to turn around, I made a statement to show my interest but she politely blew me off saying she had to meet her friends. That was my first cold street approach in a long time, so I feel good about it.
Tonight I went out to a bar specifically to socialise. This is another thing I haven't done in a long time. 90% of my evening outings over the past couple of years have been in order to perform music or to meet with friends (again a 90/10) ratio.
It felt quite strange to be out in a bar on my own for no other purpose than to meet new people. It didn't start out too well. I went straight to the bar to get a drink and then stood around on my own for 40 minutes, checking my phone occasionally. I didn't feel awkward but had no momentum either.
As luck would have it I spotted a girl that I matched with on Tinder and she was pointing me out to her friends. I pretended to not notice because she wasn't my type. I won't say her photos were misleading because I had an intuition about what she would be like in real life. I should have gone over and introduced myself, the chat up her friends. I'm not ruthless enough yet!
Then I noticed a guy standing around on his own, he looked fairly cool so I got talking to him. Then I finally gave myself permission to start socialising. Part of me felt I couldn't meet people because I didn't have a 'base' to fall back on. Silly I know, but that's how it was. After chatting with the guy for maybe 20 minutes I started bringing in girls to the conversations. I'm very rusty at this and while the conversations were pleasant they didn't really go anywhere. I'm glad I go the practice in though.
At one point I started talking with a soy-boy who irritated on so many levels and it actually made me angry. I decided to go to the dance floor to get in a better mood which eventually happened but I didn't really make any moves. It was too loud and the girls were on a completely different energy level to where I was at. Also I rationalised that my strengths are more on a verbal level. At 2 AM I decided to call it a night and headed home.
Overall it was an interesting night and although I don't feel strong anxiety about approaching people there's definitely a resistance. The rationale is often that the situation has to be right. For example; I need a wing to fall back on or the venue can't be too loud and high energy.
I don't know what percentage of this is born out of experience or avoidance. In the past I went out to clubs and loud bars all the time and had success. But after a while it felt like a bad use of my time when I looked at the effort / reward ratio. A big part of pulling from clubs is sticking around until the right time, sure I've pulled early in the night, say before 11. But the magic time is usually from midnight onwards. Going out is fun, hooking up is fun. But is it so much fun that it's worth 6 hours of my time? For me, right now the answer is no. Perhaps that will change this year.
As you can tell I'm really feeling out what I want from my social life and how I want to approach it. The only thing that I'm sure of is that I want to grow my social circle and use it as a funnel. Right now this means going out and socialising as much as I can.
I'll be out again tomorrow night. Stay tuned.